I've just decided not to purchase a tie when Nick announces that his parents are dead. It's yellow with blue polka dots.

"They're not answering my phone calls," he explains. "I'm 100% certain that they're dead."

"What a coincidence, this tie is 100% polyester. I think I want it, but there are only three designs here, so if I get it everyone will know that I buy clothes at Sainsbury's."

"You shouldn't get it."

"Yeah, you're right."

We move down the aisle, looking for turmeric.

"It's not so bad," I say. I want to reassure him.

"I guess so. I guess it's win-win. Parents not dead: great. Parents dead: I have mind powers."

"I'm going to buy some sweets," I say. I buy two packets of Munchies.